EU Wants Name Change – Vaping IDs and A Vapers Register

The faceless mandarins over at the European Union have hinted they may consider removing e-cigarettes from the TPD but as always nothing is a simple as it sounds with those idiots.

The main sticking point is the name ‘e-cigarette’ and this says the men in suits gives out the wrong message as in suggesting they are indeed cigarettes.

And in a move that could cost millions of Euros they want all vapers to become ‘registered or licensed’ and go on an approved EU vape list. This list could be accessed by vape shops via a vape ID card – similar to a EU driving licence – and police could check your ID if you’re spotted vaping in public.

eu vaping legislation

It’s unclear at this stage how much it would cost us vapers to obtain a card though rumours are circulating it could be as much as an initial layout of £45 with a yearly ‘top up’ of £15…jeez talk about a vape stealth tax!

EU officials met last week to discuss creating this new Directive labelled as EUDocket-01042019 – which would in effect remove e-cigs from the TPD creating a new one solely for all things vape.

At the moment the idea is purely that – an idea – however the un-elected EU officials have agreed on one thing and that is to be seen as democratic they want the public’s help – more on that in a moment.

Deputy Under Secretary to the Secretariat of State Empowerment – the EU Deputy President and Under Commissioner for Health and Control – Monsieur Poisson d’Avril – said the new strategic study group recognized the confusion blaming it on their bosses in Brussels, who through a lack of EU employed Chinese interpreters, had mistakenly lumped vaping in with lit tobacco all those years ago.

Monsieur d’Avril said:

With so many countries sometimes translation can lead to these kind of problems. I remember in 2002 for instance the MEPs were given a wrong translation which almost placed cabbage and lettuce in the same banned criminal category as cannabis. These things happen it is easy to do.

He said now the penny – or should that be the Euro – had dropped that e-cigarettes were not fancy ways to smoke lit tobacco they had been more than a little embarrassed.

My health team knew this before we implemented TPD but as we’d spent millions of Euros we had no choice but to continue with the TPD.

We did laugh about it but now it’s very serious and we need to consider a change.

We are hoping a delegation from UK – who are very pro vaping – will if Brexit locked borders allows meet with us to discuss this important issue.

But until then we are asking the European people to forgive us our silly mistake and help us sort this tape of red out.

Good to see those EU idiots thought the whole vaping and TPD thing was ‘funny’…

*Bangs Head on Desk*

What Are The Proposed Name Changes From E-cigarette?

So what exactly is the EU asking for?

It’s really quite simple – they want an alternative name for e-cigarettes and they have come up with five ideas they want us to vote on!

To be honest the names are shall we say a little weird…but surely a small price to pay to get the shackles of the TPD off our shoulders.

cig-a-like e cigarettes
e-cigs confused with fags by EU

The five names currently being considered are:

  • Nico Sucks
  • Puffer Machines
  • Foggy Boxes
  • Nico Teeners
  • Not Lits

Hardly the most inspiring of choices and should these be dismissed by the EU vaping community there may be an option to choose our own that would then be voted on.

I quite like VapeyMcVapeyThing…though maybe that’s a little long and a bit too Scottish…but certainly better than a German vape group who have suggested – Unbeleuchtet – which translates as ‘not lit’…clever but a little guttural on the throat!

Whatever name is decided it’s a sign the EU is indeed starting to rethink its stance on e-cigarettes – though I really do NOT like the idea of a vaping ID card and ‘vapers register’.

I put that idea to Madame Itsa Abrellsgeck a leading EU pro e-cig lobbyist from Luxembourg and she was extremely anti:

Those crazy imbecilic fools from the EU are at it again with their rules and ID cards. This is why Luxembourg did not join the EU and refuses to do so.

Vapers are silly enough with their big puffer machines and to humiliate them even more with ID cards is expensive buffoonery.


Post Brexit Who Will Give A Shit!

Final word goes to UK vape advocate and vaping and Big Tobacco industry lobbyist Peregrine Smythe-Peters who summed it all up nicely:

Ridiculous idea from those Jonnies over there.

We got rid of ID cards after the bloody war and they have no place in UK society. Though I do have a Waitrose card which gets me cheap Bolly…

It’s all just EU piss and wind and anyway post Brexit no one will give a shit and we can call them what we jolly well like…Leccy Fags might be an idea…

One thing is clear should the EU scrap the name e-cig – our Jonny might have to do a re-brand…because let’s face it… FoggyBoxClick doesn’t have quite the same ring to it…in fact it sounds a bit kinky which could have all kinds of ramifications in future Google searches… 😛

The link on voting for the five names is below…there is also an abstain button that I suggest you click!

And please do leave your suggestions for a new name for e-cigarettes in the comments below!

Vote For the E-Cigarette Name Change Here

I have simpler vape tastes these days - I never leave home without a Caliburn G, a Vaporesso Luxe 40 or Innokin EQ FLTR and a CBD vape pen or bottle of CBD drops in my rucksack...or indeed an Aspire Nautilus Prime X in my pocket... At home I'll be using various mods topped with the GeekVape Zeus X RTA or the Signature Mods Mono SQ topped with the Augvape BTFC RDA... I'm a former journalist and now a writer and sometimes author... I'm ex Army - adore dogs and never happier than hiking over the hills or with a good book on a beach.


  1. I was reading this and I was like, no, they can’t call them that and then hey, that EU Commissionaire sounds a bit….. Nice one Neil


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