I’ve genuinely put my life in jeopardy by interviewing anti vaping soccermom Karen…I kid you not…I lived to tell the tale…but only just mind…

I guess you’ve all noticed the anti vaping soccermom seems to be cloning at a breathtaking pace.

anti vaping soccermom karen
anti vaping soccermom Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen [35] – follows the science…

As do the seemingly never ending parents again vape organizations, all with toe-curlingly bad acronyms such as EKKEES [Ecigarettes Kill Kids and Everyone Else Stop!] – eking out the last bit of cash from little Mike Bloomberg’s wallet maybe…

They’re popping up like Japanese Knotweed on all social media platforms screeching anti e-cigarette rhetoric, and word is they’re ready to invade the UK…crazy cougar alert lol.

So who exactly are they?

And come to that, with all that’s bad in the world, why have the Karen’s grouped together to attack vaping?

BTW for those not exactly sure what a soccermom called Karen actually is…the Urban Dictionary describes them thus [I’ve swapped the word vaccination to vaping lol]

A large conglomerate of upper middle class white women who gather to discuss their anti-vaping views at an essential oil sales party.

…and any suggestions for a group of Karens? Answers in the comments below lol…a bitchiness of Karens is my thinking…oops there’s me getting a bit controversial ha!

Vaping Is the Trigger Of ALL Triggers For Anti-Vaping Soccermoms

In a nutshell [nut being the operative word] they’re the type of woman to be the first to demand to speak to the manager in any situation where their triggers are er triggered, and vaping has really and I mean really triggered them.

Reports have been coming out of the USA for instance, the mere mention of the word JUUL or indeed anything that even rhymes with it, can lead to worrying reactions.

juul e cig
JUUL like sunlight to vampires when it comes to anti vaping soccermoms

They’ve been seen suddenly clutching their pearls, fainting onto a chaise lounge and screaming for smelling salts…not ones that smell like menthol though God forbid…

In order to get deeper into this breed of soccermom [sounds kinky] I was able to interview one…

I pulled this off by telling her I was writing an article for the well read women’s magazine Cross Stitcher – home of all things needlepoint.

I told her the new editor was branching out and wanted something on cross radical women that had the needle and wanted to stitch up the vape industry…

She positively purred at the idea and saw it as a first foray into the British anti-vape scene – which is pretty much none existent or at least dormant…for now.

OK…on with the interview…and just to point out, EcigClick in no way agrees with absolutely anything anti vaping soccermom Karen says…especially her age 😉

First of all, a little bit about yourself…are you married…single…looking?

Hi! I’m Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen and I’m 35…divorced and have 2 kids at high school and college…I had them very young.

I’m kinda single right now, but I do have a male friend Benito, who’s pronouns are he/him/they/zin and he takes me salsa dancing once a week with his good friend Juan.

I live in Palm Vista California US of A in a lovely beach side house with breathtaking oceanic vistas.

angry anti vaping soccermom
angry anti vaping soccermom – easily spotted

Do you have a job or career and did you go to college?

My job – if I had one – doesn’t define me and if it did I guess you could describe it as a ‘full time concerned yet ethereal earth mother‘.

I have no real need to work as my divorce settlement from my ex husband is very generous…he’s a plastic surgeon specializing in sculpting the ‘perfect vagina‘ – a really big thing in California…

And yes, I did attend college, I majored in 8th Century Women’s Studies and Interpretive Dance Feminism…

…and yes before you ask, as part of the settlement he did indeed tighten my foo foo and very pleased I am too…

How did you first become aware of vaping?

My pool cleaner Ramone was puffing away on one whilst bending over in his tight white Speedos and I have to say I gasped at the amount of steam he was generating…

Over a cold Martini after he’d finished servicing my pool…he told me it was a JUUL and I thought nothing of it…

If I’m honest, the smell of Creme Brulee’ masked his manly odour…which was rather exciting at the time…

Have any of your children vaped?

I caught my 18-year-old daughter Aspen-Cedar sucking on an Aspire I believe it was called…

And then days later my 21-year-old son Leeland-Brigham came home from college vaping on a very big boxy thing.

He fogged out the house and everywhere smelled of custard which whilst pleasant was all a little odd…

How did you get involved with parents against vaping groups?

Good old Google!

I was bored looking at interior design websites and had my fill of watching Housewives of blah blah blah…

I actually auditioned for Housewives of California a while back, however the director had no taste or class whatsoever…

anti vaping soccermom
in full flow the anti vaping soccermom can be a scary beast

Anyway, I typed in vaping to see if it was the next big fashionable thing to follow – I do like to keep up with what’s the trend – one hates to be out gunned at my weekly ladies luncheon.

I almost fainted when I saw the website Parents Against Vaping E-cigarettes – PAVE…

PAVE

It was its mission statement that got me:

“Founded in 2018 by three moms as a grassroots response to the youth vaping epidemic, Parents Against Vaping e-cigarettes (PAVe) is a national advocacy and education organization powered by parent volunteers fighting to protect our kids from the dangers of flavored e-cigarettes and the predatory practices of Big Tobacco.”

I guess you could say that ‘paved the way’…and I rang Aspen-Cedar and Leeland-Brigham immediately telling then to throw their vapes away before they dropped down dead.

Millions of children around the world have suddenly died from vaping after just one puff – it’s a well known scientific fact…

It affected me so badly, I was at my therapists and visited my master guru swami for umpteen sessions for months – lots of money well spent.

How long have you been a member of PAVE?

I was with them for 6 months before I quit…they’re not radical enough for me…

I wanted to form a Direct Action Against Vaping Radical Attack Arm – DAAVRAA – I had uniforms made and everything…

But no they just wanted to carry on using Mike Bloomberg’s millions to send out Tweets…pathetic…

I’m not menopausal but I have an urge to blow vape shops and vape shit up every time I hear of another poor little 3-year-old becoming addicted to nicotine and dropping down dead in kindergarden…

It happens all the time according to the internet…but all these anti vaping soccermoms want to do is print t-shirts, Tweet and get on their knees to Bloomberg…literally…

And don’t get me started on those pussy hat wearing moms from Campaign for Tobacco-Free Kids – have you seen that weird looking old guy Matthew Myers who’s the President?!?

matthew myers campaign for tobacco free kids
Matthew Myers “weird looking old guy”

He’s a man and he doesn’t have pronouns after his name – makes me want to throw up…

Are you still a radical anti vaping soccermom?

Yes most definitely…or at least until something more fashionable comes along.

I admit I’m bored of the climate change crowd – that Greta NOFunberg has really made that one no fun…

I’m against the fur trade – or was until I picked up a lovely fox hat from a silent auction to help the orphans in Botswana or somewhere near Egypt…

My friend Gwendolyn Deathronite is thinking of saving the Mexican children in cages, but Biden will free them I’m sure…

And of course fellow anti vaper Kamala is with us ALL the way!

PAVE member
PAVE member [artistic impression]

So anti vaping it is for now…the science doesn’t lie…babies are dying because of flavoured e-liquid…daily and it would make me cry, but since the facelift I can’t…

Is there any message you’d like to send out to worried moms in the UK?

You mean apart from getting to a dentist quickly to get their awful teeth fixed?

Yes…yes I do have something to say…

And it’s this…

Vaping kills everything in its path from babies to pensioners and I’ve heard one whiff of a flavoured e-liquid killer cloud can give you the COVIDS, so it’s got to be eradicated…and NOW!

It also turns babies into psychotic killers whilst they’re still in the womb according to the science!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think she maybe talking about this study I rebuffed and took the proverbial piss out of:

“Vaping Pregnant Zebrafish Are Giving Birth To Delinquents Says Science”

At least we know where we are with lit tobacco – it kills you slowly and horribly…vaping is a hidden epidemic killing a billion lives according to one documentary title I saw…

I urge my British sisters to form their own anti vaping soccermom groups and get radical – we must kill vaping before it kills billions of little children!

Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen [35]
Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen [35] angry at donut or any flavoured vape juice

and finally…if I was to tell you I was from a pro vaping website – what would your reaction be..?

Hahahaaaaa…er ha..?

That’s a joke right..?

Are you telling me you’re not from Cross Stitcher?

Let me tell you buddy…us anti vaping soccermom types are like the mob…

If I ever find you, it won’t be a horse head on the end of your bed…it’ll be your balls…capiche?

Final Thoughts On My Encounter With Karen [35]

I must admit, I still check the end of my bed in the middle of the night…

She’s a scary one for sure and not a lady I’d like to meet on a dark night, especially if I was caught sucking on a pod kit.

I have to say her voice on the phone was like a cat with it’s balls caught in barbed wire whilst nearby was a Bjork track on perpetual play… *shudders*

Let’s hope – and pray – the likes of Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen [35] don’t make it to these shores – we’ve enough on our hands at the moment.

I should really apologise for tricking my anti vaping soccermom into thinking she was being interviewed by the militant arm of Cross Stitcher…but I won’t.

It’s hard hitting undercover journalism like this that shines lights into the darkest recesses of life and I’m happy to put my life on the line for vaping truth and justice…ha!

Little wonder I came second for Best Vape Writer/Blogger in this year’s awards *takes a bow and blushes* – thank you BTW for your votes – means a lot to this old sod – I haven’t won anything since an egg and spoon race 54 years ago 😉

So you can expect more of the same sort of exclusive reporting next year lol…

What Drives the Anti Vaping Soccermom? It’s Over To You!

BTW, this was supposed to be an Ecigclick Boxing Day interview with a well known US reviewer handy with a hammer…sadly he pulled out – might have torn a muscle or something smashing a zillion dollar dripper…maybe next year…

Luckily Karen Delgardorisso van Heusen [35] was more than willing to chat…so I have to thank her for that…

OK…hope that helped you understand the thoughts of your typical anti vaping soccermom – and enjoy the rest of Christmas 🙂

Please leave your thoughts and opinions on the plethora of parents against vaping groups popping up everywhere…

Is it a mental illness?

Born out of sexual frustration?

Or just bored housewives killing time between expensive lunches and cocktail hour?

Do let me know in the comments below…

Neil Humber
I have simpler vape tastes these days - I never leave home without a Caliburn G, a Vaporesso Luxe 40 or Innokin EQ FLTR and a CBD vape pen or bottle of CBD drops in my rucksack...or indeed an Aspire Nautilus Prime X in my pocket... At home I'll be using various mods topped with the GeekVape Zeus X RTA or the Signature Mods Mono SQ topped with the Augvape BTFC RDA... I'm a former journalist and now a writer and sometimes author... I'm ex Army - adore dogs and never happier than hiking over the hills or with a good book on a beach.

2 COMMENTS

  1. Gave me a good giggle Neil, scary thing is, we have many of the same types under ‘starters orders’ just waiting to spray their upper middle-class prejudices all over us. Keep on grinding it out Neil, you make a difference (and amuse us magnificently at the same time.

    • Thanks for your kind words much appreciated 🙂 It’s funny how ‘fiction’ mirrors the real world…especially when it comes to the anti-vape brigade lol…you’d be surprised how many people thought this was a ‘real’ interview…which says it all ha!

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